Before I say Goodbye…

A wise person once told me, there are only two outcomes when entering a relationship. Either you (1) Break up or (2) Get Married. What happens if Before I say I do…I have to say Goodbye. When the same person that made you laugh now makes you cry. What do you do when in order for you to cross the finish line you have to leave your teammate behind?

Remember when we first met?  The very sight of you was rudely interrupted by uncontrollable blinks. To hear the melodic sounds when your heart beats at night served as my bedtime lullaby. Instantly when our lips touched my body would never cease in craving the very taste of you. I took my time hugging you, just because I savored smelling you. Everything a person needs, yet alone I need is embodied by you. I’d given up on falling in love, but it was you who brought me back to my senses.

Instead of moving on I’m holding on to the moments when we were at our best. Constantly finding myself clinging, climbing and reaching to grab that point. The fact is, extending for a moment in time that no longer exists, leaves the possibility that I may fall. You are the staple in my life presently struggling who hold the pages of our fairytale together. We show we care through anger and the interchanging of harsh tones. Making love has been replaced by make up sex. Everything about you seems familiar but we’re now strangers. Where is the lesson going to be learned with us? Is it in the reach? Will my desire to care make you care? Can my love be strong enough to make you love back? Praying that when my tears land on your shoulders, it will permeate your skin, travel through your body until it reaches and softens your heart. Only thing left now to do is brace myself for the fall.

I believe that love is when you’ve found yourself with the person you are no longer afraid to lose yourself with. But you are afraid which leaves me lost. All the good in me loves you so badly. If I was granted one wish it would backfire. Cause If I could be anywhere I wanted, I’d never see your face again because I would forever dwell within the depths of your heart. Wanting us so much, I forgot who I am. Having fallen on my knees countless times I’m left wondering what it was that I once stood for. I wouldn’t even rewind time to start over. My sole purpose would be bring you back to help you remember. Remember the time when actions had verbal meanings. Hands touched meant protect me forever and embraces were expressions of never let goes. Meeting of the minds were confirmed by the caressing of foreheads and a kiss on the cheek just proved that other facial areas need love to.

Now I’m forced to turn my back even though part of me wants you to grab my shoulder and say wait…I can change. It’s too late, because my two cents will never make you a shiny nickel nor govern you to lobby a bill creating a change in us. My journey forward will require me to never look back. We can reenact playful interactions through memories and laugh together through closed eyes and silence. Moving on is mentally a huge leap but physically a baby step away.

Just because I took the initiative doesn’t mean in any way that I’m over this. I’ve seen the distance in your eyes and if they truly are the windows to your soul, I’m saddened every time the lights aren’t lit. Never is the person you break up with the same person you started with.  So before we reach the point where we  make the mistake of saying I do… and don’t. Now is the right time for me to say goodbye.